


A Kingdom Called Around

by rosesexbangsung



Category: Ninja Sex Party - Fandom, TWRP | Tupper Ware Remix Party (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M, heart boner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21588451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesexbangsung/pseuds/rosesexbangsung
Summary: "You've helped me grow into a man, my shallowness is a thing of the past."Danny Sexbang was a man who fell “in love” with beautiful blondes several times a day, but he wasn’t a man of commitment. He was more of a “fit as much sex into the first couple weeks of dating as possible and then bail” man than anything else. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw a hot girl and immediately felt something in his chest rather than his pants.That was, until he noticed a pair of dark eyes hidden behind a red masquerade mask from across a crowded ballroom.A Ninja Sex Party fic inspired by their song/video Heart Boner. Mostly NSP, but TWRP will show up lots too. And other NSP characters/songs! Basically, this is my huge love letter to NSP lore, this aspect of it in particular.
Relationships: Danny Sexbang/Ninja Brian (one-sided), Danny Sexbang/The Princess, NSP/TWRP friendship, Starbomb friendship, also there's probs gonna be mentions of established brian/phobos, and brian's a gay disaster, basically it's a love story between danny and the princess, but they're all a Fambly
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	1. Prologue

“Ninja Brian, back your bags. We’re going on a cross country trip!”

Danny Sexbang burst into his best friend’s room, carrying a large suitcase labeled “Emergency Kimonos” and an even larger sense of urgency. Ninja Brian glared at Danny, a glare that dared question his sudden impulsive road trip plans.

“Okay, hear me out. You know Katie?” Danny asked, throwing his suitcase down on the floor and leaning against the doorpost. 

Ninja Brian nodded once in response.

“You notice how I actually remember her name?” 

A few seconds of silence went by until Brian slowly lifted a hand up to his mask-covered mouth, his expression unchanged.

“Yeah.” Danny said, lowering his head in defeat. “I could not tell you the last time I actually cared about a girl enough to remember her name. Katie’s so awesome. We’ve had a lot of fun together these past few weeks. She’s gorgeous, Brian, and I gotta tell ya, when she’s around, I feel something in my heart that I haven’t felt in a long time. I feel like if this girl and I go on one more date, we’ll start a meaningful relationship.”

Brian continued to stare at Danny, still as a ninja-shaped statue.

“So, obviously, I dumped her.” Danny said, casually. 

Ninja Brian gave Danny two thumbs up. 

“And I need a cleanse.” Danny continued. “A boning cleanse. Which is why you and I are gonna go on an extended road trip, getting laid as much as we possibly can. I don’t wanna learn names, I don’t wanna remember faces, I don’t wanna put my dick in the same woman twice, and I don’t wanna feel anything but sexual pleasure.”

Brian’s immediate response was to grab the only three things he would need: a knife, a toothbrush, and a small teddy bear.

“FUCK YES.” Danny yelled, holding his hand up for a half five, which Brian used the little hand of his teddy bear to return. “I knew you would understand.”

Danny grabbed his suitcase and flailed his way out the front door. He threw himself into the driver’s seat of the car so hard that his ex-ninja body went dummy limp, just like it did whenever Brian stabbed and/or beat the shit out of him. His form quickly returned, ready to get the fuck outta there and start on his journey for All the Puss. He turned to see his best friend in the whole world, Ninja Brian, beside him in the passenger seat, having not even seen him get in the car. 

“Shall we begin this ultimate boner quest, my friend?” Danny asked as he started the car. Brian simply maintained his glare. “You always know what to say, Brian.” 

He backed out of the driveway with complete reckless abandon. Driving away, he rolled down the window and let the breeze flow through his luxurious Jewfro, psyched about what would definitely be his greatest year for boning in the history of boning. 

What could possibly be better?


	2. Three Years Later/Three Centuries Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose, princess of [?], is forced to choose a suitor at an upcoming masquerade ball, but dreams of finding true love.
> 
> Danny Sexbang, lead singer of Ninja Sex Party, wants to put his dick in some fancy masquerade ball attendees. 
> 
> Ninja Brian's just along for the ride.

If dramatics could be measured by the elegant floof of a princess’s gown as she falls to the ground in dismay, she had reached her peak.

The princess had excused herself to the garden, where she knelt down in front of the small pond, a place she often whisked away to when she needed to find peace of mind. She folded her hands in her lap and stared down at them. If she had felt trapped before, the walls around her had only grown taller and more impenetrable. 

“Rose?” 

She picked her head up and turned around to see her animal friends were right on cue. The voice she heard was her deer friend, Vera, the only deer she knew who could talk. Vera was followed by a pair of rabbits, a raccoon, a squirrel, and two sweet bluebirds that flew just above the ground. None of them could talk, but Rose still took comfort in their company. 

“Oh, hello, Vera.” She let one of the bluebirds perch itself on her finger as the rest of the animals gathered beside her. Rose usually spoke softly, though Vera could also detect a bit of sorrow in her voice. 

“What’s wrong?” Vera asked, standing before Rose. 

“Oh...it’s nothing.” Rose said, her wistful tone not fooling her friend.

“Rose, come on.” Vera’s reply rang stern, but caring. “Give me some credit. I can tell when you’re upset. So tell me, who do I have to fight?”

Rose giggled. “Nobody.” She didn’t even know how her small deer friend was supposed to fight anyone, but she admired her gusto. “I just spoke with my father.”

“Sooo, am I fighting nobody or your father?” Vera asked, sounding dead serious, causing Rose to laugh again, daintily covering her mouth with her hand.

“While I am a bit frustrated, you do not have to fight my father.” Rose sighed. “His decision is made, though at least he was willing to compromise.”

“Wait, what decision?” Vera’s eyes widened. 

Rose’s face fell as she bowed her head and started to pet her squirrel friend that lay on her lap. “It’s precisely what I feared. My twenty-first birthday is in three days time, and father is holding a ball for the purpose of finding me a suitor. He says that I must marry in order to take my place as queen of-”

“UGGGGHHHH.” Rose’s woes were interrupted by Vera’s absolute contempt. “Listen, I know he’s the king, but your father should NOT be doing this. You are more than capable of ruling the kingdom on your own. A man would only drag you down! But of course, you can’t expect A MAN to know that.”

“Oh, Vera…” Vera seemed even more upset than she was. “It is not having to get married that troubles me.”

“It really should be.” Vera retorted. “But if not that, then what? Do you need something to wear? Because you know I can help you with that.”

A soft smile formed on Rose’s face as she slowly shook her head. “No, Vera. It’s just that...well…” Her squirrel leapt from her lap as she turned to once again face the pond, looking down at her reflection. The still water presented a clear mirror image of her long, wavy blonde hair, dark eyes and soft pale skin. Her lips, the right shade of red to complement her name, captured a sense of longing that formed neither a smile nor a frown. “I had always hoped to find love on my own before having to be forced into marriage. Of course, it’s impossible when I cannot go past the gates of this castle.”

Vera approached Rose from behind until her own reflection was visible in the pond. “Rose, I hate to tell you this, but...you are not missing a single thing. Men are terrible. Not to tell you what to be sad about, but you should be sad that you have to marry a man in the first place, not that you can’t marry a man under different circumstances.”

Rose blinked and looked sadly at her friend. “Oh, Vera, that can’t be true. I’ve read so many stories about romance and love at first sight. I’ve always known that it’s out there for me. I just wish I could find it on my own.”

Vera took a deep breath. She admired Rose’s innocence more than anything else, but it also hurt to see how naive she could be. “That’s the thing, though, Rose. They’re just stories. In the real world, men don’t care about women. They do whatever they want and they don’t care who they hurt. Believe me. I’ve seen it.”

Rose gave her a questioning look. “You have? Where?”

Shit. She said too much. She quickly shook her head. “Never mind. You said your dad made some kind of compromise?”

“Oh, yes.” She figured she wouldn’t pester Vera. “When my father told me about the ball, it was...difficult to hide my feelings. I try to be good and not argue, however, I was very heartbroken. I admitted to him that I did not want to marry someone simply because they came to the ball to court a princess. I had the idea to hold a masquerade ball. That way, those who speak with me or dance with me won’t know for certain that I’m the princess, and they can know the real me, rather than just the princess, soon-to-be queen of-”

Rose was cut off by the song of one of the bluebirds, which she whistled in return, smiling as she lightly stroked its cheek.

Vera had to hand it to her. It was pretty much to best idea Rose could come up with, given the situation. She still hated the thought of all these men getting anywhere near her.

“He also allowed it so I could choose any eligible bachelor at the ball. He doesn’t have to be from a royal bloodline.” Rose went on. “He really wants me to find someone to marry. Of course, there will be dignitaries from several other kingdoms coming. Still, I will not be limited to them.”

‘Ah. Hate that.’ Vera thought.

Rose stood up, and walked to a nearby flowerbed, her movements almost that of a waltz. She, naturally, picked a pink rose and stuck it in her hair. “Do you suppose fate will be on my side, Vera?” 

Vera looked up at Rose. Even when she was unsure, she glowed as if the sun shone in the sky for her and her alone. 

“I sure hope so, kid.”

\--

“Roll the dice, Ninja Brian!”

Brian whipped his head to face his partner in space/time travel, then slowly held up his little red yahtzee cup, four dice cubes sitting inside. He shook it violently, then spilled them out onto the dashboard in front of them. Six, Two, Five, Five.

There was a moment of silence as Danny slowly did the math in his head. “Eighteenth century it is!” Danny cheered. “Nice, I’m feeling pretty medieval.”

Ninja Brian gave two thumbs up, then faced forward again to set the spaceship’s coordinates. Danny leaned back in his chair, kicking his sneakers up on the dashboard. He loved days like this; days where he could just turn to Brian and impulsively decide to go time travelling. It was nice to do it on their own terms, rather than being arbitrarily called upon to save some kingdom they had never heard of. They could explore as they please, and Danny could bone whoever he wanted with no other priorities.  
Ninja Brian shot Danny an expectant look, pointing at the “WHERE” setting on the control panel.

Danny thought for a few seconds before answering. “Find some rich European kingdom that’s holding some kind of big party, so we can crash it and score hot chicks that have probably banged like, Shakespeare.”

Brian gave another thumbs up, scrolling through a list of potential areas.

“In the meantime,” Danny began. “I’m going to slip into something more time period appropriate.”

He stood up and made his way to the Holo-Deck in the back of the ship, the room he could make anything he wanted. Messing around with the green screen settings, he changed the room from a dark, empty space to a big, fancy bedroom, similar to one you’d find in an old castle. Waiting for him on the bed were three medieval wenches, all beckoning him closer. He knew they weren’t real, the girls created by the Holo-Deck never were. Still, boning was what he lived for. He was far too impatient to wait to meet actual thrill-seeking maidens.

His false projection, however, would have to wait for another day, as Ninja Brian came in to turn off the Holo-Deck before Danny could fully undress. 

“Why do you always have the worst timing?” Danny mumbled.

Brian somehow managed to glare even harder, pointing at the exit to the front of the ship.

“Fine, fine, I’ll get dressed for real.” Danny surrendered, holding his arms up in defense. “Just don’t stab me.”

Ninja Brian stood motionless for a few seconds, as if he were considering it. He turned around and left the room anyway.

Some moments later, Danny returned to his passenger seat, now decked out in his medieval outfit that was definitely not a cheap store bought costume. It was an expensive store bought costume. It came complete with a pretty wicked helmet that covered his face perfectly, just not his luxurious ‘fro. Ninja Brian didn’t need an outfit change. Unlike Danny, he was still a real ninja, who could go undetected very easily.

“Are you ready, best friend in the whole world?” Danny asked, lifting the armor from his face and smiling confidently at Brian.

Ninja Brian gave one nod in return, then pointed at Dan’s seatbelt.

Danny chortled in response. “Brian, I’m a grown man. I’ll be fine.”

The two maintained a very conflicting eye contact, until Brian slowly pulled back on the main lever, causing their phallic ship to hurtle through space and time. As expected, Danny’s body went limp and was sent flying backwards, his temporary doll-like physique keeping him from injury. 

\--

Practically throwing himself from the plane, Danny stumbled onto the soft, green grass, then straightened himself up and put his hands on his hips, his self-assuredness unmeasurable. He turned to see Ninja Brian standing by his side, having already activated the plane’s cloaking device. 

They nodded their heads at each other in perfect synch, as best friends do, then looked out at the kingdom they decided to metaphorically conquer that night. They stood on a hill overlooking the land, a mysterious forest looming behind them. The kingdom was just the right size, not too small, but still looked easy enough to navigate. A large castle stood tall on the other side of the land. Danny was practically bouncing with excitement at the thought of what could go down at the ball that would be held in that palace in just a few short hours. 

His daydreaming was cut short by the feeling of a ninja’s finger jabbing at his shoulder. “What’s up, Brian?”

Ninja Brian held up a faded piece of parchment, where he got it would forever remain a mystery, reading that the event they were crashing was specifically a masquerade ball. 

“Ah.” Danny said, bringing a finger to his chin to prepare himself for some Deep Thought. “Well, we don’t have masquerade masks, but you’ve got your ninja mask so you’ll be fine. You think it’s too late to ask TWRP to borrow one of their helmets?”

In only a few seconds, Danny was staring at a text from Doctor Sung to Ninja Brian from just a few minutes prior. “Sorry, dude.” Danny read aloud. “Phobos doesn’t really part with his helmet, and I need mine for some top secret Cone Zone stuff. Good luck, though. Hashtag vibe or die. Why does he end text messages with hashtags? It’s not a tweet.”

Ninja Brian, a firm believer in the overuse of hashtags, chose not to respond.

“Eh, I’m not worried.” Danny shrugged. “I can do my eye makeup big enough for people to believe it’s a mask. Now, since the party isn’t until tonight,” He turned around to face the forest. “Let’s explore in there! Maybe it’ll have some cool ancient treasure. Or at the very least, some wicked delicious berries.”

Brian slid his phone back into his pocket and followed Danny into the beckoning woodlands. If anything, he needed to make sure Danny’s dumbass didn’t poison himself.


End file.
